Things every man needs to know before getting involved with a horsewoman!
1. The horse comes first. Period.
2. You wanted to be the “man of the house”. That means the house is your responsibility, right?
3. So the house looks messy a lot of the time. Learn to live with it. She’s in the stable mucking out with a fork, so make yourself busy mucking the house out. You know where the vacuum cleaner lives.
4. Horses can’t feed themselves, so that’s why she’s at the stable. You, on the other hand, can make it to the kitchen to organise your own feed bucket.
5. Weekends are devoted to the horse … evenings too … well, pretty much every free minute, in fact.
6. A tip. Never make a horsewoman choose between a man and a horse. Trust us. You won’t like the answer!
7. A few strands of horsehair in the washing machine aren’t going to kill you. They’re clean, aren’t they?
8. So you think you’re quite a stallion, hmm? Have you checked out what’s in the stable lately?
9. Horsewomen love shopping. For horse stuff, not new shoes. Oh, but the horse absolutely MUST have new horseshoes every few weeks.
10. Look at it this way. She does everything she can to keep her horse happy so it pays you to do the same. The horse is happy, she’s happy, you’re happy.
11. Horses are like chocolates. You can’t stop at one.
12. Whether it’s a gift for her birthday, Christmas or Easter … you can’t go wrong with a present for the horse.
13. Your horsewoman will drag herself reluctantly out of bed during the week but is always up before dawn on the day of the event.
14. Of course riding is a sport! No question about it!
15. The kids will grow up to be riders. Yes, the boys too. They’ll love it!
16. Whatever you do, don’t try to deflect her when she wants to go riding. Honestly, it’s just not worth the fallout.
17. Why would she want a fur coat? Her horse already has one. Instead, give her some really good fly spray.
18. Think about how interesting and educational this relationship is going to be. She’ll enjoy telling you all about her horse and the finer points of riding, and you’ll learn to listen. It’ll take a bit of time to understand what she’s on about but stick with it.
19. Here’s the plus side. You won’t be needing that gym membership any longer. That’s because from now on, you’ll be carrying around a weighty saddle and all the other mysterious equine kit that is essential for riding a horse. It’s amazing how quickly you can sprint back to the horsebox with the wrong saddle and back with the right one on a competition day. Your horsewoman will be an encouraging and vocal coach whenever you find yourself flagging.
20. A car with a towbar? Total horsewoman magnet, but it’s the car, not you, they’re after. Sorry. Get used to your beloved vehicle disappearing whenever there’s a big equestrian event.
21. However full it is now, your future bank account is going to be an empty, echoing space that money used to call home. What’s hers belongs to the horse, and what’s yours belongs to the horse; might as well put that account in the name of Beauty right away.
22. If you want to know where you stand with her, stand next to her horse. Pretty impressive, isn’t he?
Shocked by our light-hearted look at life with a horsewoman? It’s really not as bad as it sounds. You only need to take some of these points seriously. Dead seriously. And remember: it’s all down to a bit of give and take.
Not married yet? Here’s a tip. Get yourself a horse and watch those horsewomen come flocking round. You see, women currently far outnumber men in equestrianism. Don’t be too upset if it’s the horse they’re eyeing up, not you though!
Give these horses a new home
